parents always expect their children to show their filial obedience, or at least pay them frequent visits after they have got married. if the children fail to do this, they feel hurt and upset, and they'll even complain about their children, because they just can't understand why their children don't care about them after what they have done for the children for so many years to bring them up. nevertheless, one's experience determines his ideology. young children are naturally attached to their parents, but when they grow up, specially when they have made their own friends, and got married, what they need most is independence and freedom, and parents sometimes might become their burden. once there is generation gap, it becomes more difficult to communicate and this keeps them away from their parents. objectively speaking, they need more independence in order to achieve success. in the present society, what the children want to have most is the economic support from their parents, not their moral support or guidance. they would complain if your economic support is not up to their expectations. the love from uncles and aunties would naturally dwindle after they have had their own children. only the love from grand-parents and grand parents-in-law is pure and demands no repayment, and they are also too old to wait for any repayment. as for the distant relatives, their love depends on their needs, just as the old saying goes “the poor have no friends even if they live in downtown while the rich have distant relatives even if they live in deep mountains”。 granny liu, a distant kinsfolk, in a dream of the red mansions , claims kinship with the wealthy jia family, thinking that she may benefit from it in some ways. liu might have run away without any traces if the jia family had been a poor one. another saying goes “close neighbors are better than distant relatives.” the most difficult is to manage the relatives when doing business together, just as what the tv series program liu laogen discloses. it is all right to stay poor together, but as soon as the business grows prosperous, the group will become estranged and even dissolve because of the unfair distribution. family love is like a maze which we shouldn't go too far into it, otherwise, we'll surely get lost. love is a bilateral matter and unilateral love can only lead you to nowhere in spite of your good intentions. family love is, sometimes, like an arranged marriage, leaving no choices to you. due to the different experiences and tastes, staying together temporarily can be entertaining, while living together for a long time can only be boring due to the lack of common interest and understanding. how can we communicate with each other without understanding? parents have the duty to support the children who are not yet economically independent, and children have the responsibility to provide for the elderly parents who are lack of economic abilities to support themselves. except these two kinds of duties which we must fulfill, other kinds of love become conventional formalities such as paying visit to the sick or the dead and giving presents to the newly-born etc.
no love among relatives has become a normal phenomenon which needn't to be fussed about. what's worse is when love is contaminated by money. sooner or later we will get hurt. the sooner we get out of this net of love, the more we can preserve beautiful memories.
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