How to Avoid Misunderstandings

How to Avoid Misunderstandings

edited by Alexander Becker on October 04, 2006 | Link

Every once in a while you get into an argument.

After a short time, your opponent du jour, sometimes even yourself, would step back and talk about misunderstanding and eventually end or postpone the fight.

Why do you think you always run into misunderstandings? Misunderstanding is failing to interpret correctly. You interpret best what is least definitive. Your

misunderstandings are signs of mismatches, even cracks within your reality.

Misunderstanding is -- more often than not -- a mismatch between actual content and perceived way of delivery. While the content is almost never touched, fighting erupts over the presentation of the message. Misunderstanding is not about failing to receive all of the information. Misunderstanding is about receiving too much information to make sense of within your own context at this very moment.

Let's examine the various levels of detail and the respective perception involved. The problem is hidden in the details, in fact, the problem is the details. The more specific the provided details, the more you have to adapt your imagination and the resulting expectation to the message received.

Computer-generated film delivers only as much detail as needed to sufficiently communicate a given story. When you see a panorama shot, for example, you get a very rough scenery with minimal amounts of detail. Your mind takes over the decoration part and makes you perceive a rich scenery when in fact, you barely receive enough stimulation to not get overwhelmed. You appreciate the details because you are not fed them but instead, you create them yourself. Your mind completes the picture and as you zoom in and immerse yourself in the story, your mental experience matches and ultimately exceeds the actually seen imagery.

The more detail a situation provides, the more specific it is and the higher the chance of not exactly matching your preconceived interpretation. The most vague and unspecific arbitrary message reaching you comes with the opportunity to have you custom-color the pale information and personalize it with your own expectation. You are amazed by the highly targeted content that was destined only and especially for you. The same words delivered to you being in positive, allowing mode of expectation make you happy and leave you full of joy, in contrast, when received expecting an insult, you will get just that.

To counter and prevent misunderstanding, two courses of action are implicit --

1. Communicate as detailed as possible, including all possible misconceptions and discuss every single instance of being potentially unclear. Reiterate what you intend to communicate as often as you think is necessary to make your point bullet-proof.

2. Communicate with brevity and in generic terms in order to allow the recipient to fill in the positive or negative touch of the message. Your job is to predict the best moment for the message to arrive. The first option -- reiterating endlessly -- is what most people do most of the time only to run into even more arguments. The second option -- let the recipient fill in his expectation -- is the smarter choice, leading to less arguments and ultimately eliminating fights over conflicting perceptions.

\"Why do they keep misunderstanding me?\" We often hear people complain. Misunderstanding seems to be one of the most disturbing issues in interpersonal relationships. We often see how it undermines the harmonious relationships between people.

Several factors contribute to misunderstanding. First, people with different personal and cultural backgrounds may have diverse perspectives in interpreting one behavior. Second, the language we use as a vehicle of conveying thought can be ambiguous, and various ways of decoding (解码) words may result in barriers in communication. Third, misunderstanding occurs because of a lack of mutual trust. If you have prejudice (偏见) against someone, whatever he says may sound iii intentioned to you.

Having gone so far in the exploration of the causes of misunderstanding, we can easily arrive at the ways to avoid them. Firstly, we should be broad minded and be tolerant of the differences among people. Secondly, we should be accurate and appropriate in our handle of language, avoiding misleading words. Thirdly, we should be constructive and patient in dealing with people. If we try hard enough, there will be more understanding and less misunderstanding in this world.

Communication Skills - How to Avoid \"Misunderstandings\"

Communication Skills - How to Avoid \"Misunderstandings\"

One thing it’s vital to understand is the need for clear, unambiguous communication. Here’s why. The communication process is a simple one to understand, but a very difficult one to operate successfully. Here’s the process:

1. You think of a message you wish to communicate to another person (or a group of people)

2. You then translate the message into a deliverable format - and the message may already have changed in some way from the one you thought of

3. You deliver your message - whether written or spoken, in person or at the end on a telephone line

4. The person receiving the message hears or listens to part, all or none of it

5. The receiver then translates your message into what they think you think you meant to say

The problems with the process being successful are many. For example:

# Simply not hearing part of the message

# Hearing, but not actually listening to the content of a communication # Taking a different meaning or understanding from the message

# Interpreting a message - hearing what the person wants to hear rather than what is actually said

# Trying to read the sender’s mind rather than simply listening to what is communicated # Being distracted during the receiving process e.g. by outside noise, looking at other work etc. # Filtering the message through their beliefs, feelings, impressions etc.

It’s absolutely vital, therefore, to make your communication with others as simple and clear as possible. And, remember this - if you are the communicator, it's your job to make sure your audience understands exactly what you want them to. Never assume!

Parental in teens

physical discipline through

childhood linked to behavior problems

Published: Tuesday, September 15, 2009 - 00:16 in Psychology & Sociology

Two new studies explore how discipline changes during childhood and adolescence, and what family factors affect those changes. They conclude that when parents use physical discipline through childhood, their children experience more behavior problems in adolescence. The studies were conducted by researchers at Duke University, Oklahoma State

University, the University of Pittsburgh, Auburn University, and Indiana University. They appear in the September/October 2009 issue of Child Development.

Using data collected in two longitudinal studies—one of almost 500 children who were followed from ages 5 to 16, the other of more than 250 children followed from ages 5 to 15—the researchers sought to answer questions of how discipline changes during childhood and adolescence, and whether there are factors within families and children that are associated with these changes.

They find that parents typically adjust the way they discipline their children in response to their children's growing cognitive abilities, using less physical discipline (spanking, slapping, hitting with an object) over time. As children grow older, physical discipline becomes less developmentally appropriate. However, when parents' use of physical discipline continues through childhood, by the time their children are teens, they're more likely to have behavior problems. Teens of parents who stop using physical discipline when their children are young are less likely to have these behavior problems.

\"Given these findings, mental health specialists and others who work with families should encourage parents to refrain from using physical discipline,\" according to Jennifer E. Lansford, associate research professor with the Social Science Research Institute and Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University, who led the study. \"They should also help parents—especially mothers who are at high risk of using harsh physical discipline because they have children whose behavior is challenging or they are dealing with a lot of stress in their

environment—come up with alternate strategies for disciplining their children.\"

\"Low income, low educational attainment, single parenthood, family stress, and living in a dangerous neighborhood form a constellation of risk that increases the chances that parents will continue to use physical

discipline with their children,\" Lansford adds. \"Parents are also more likely to continue using physical discipline with children who behave aggressively.\"