EP2

4X02: Smiles of a Summer Night

Original Airdate on ABC: October 7, 2007

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives... Mary Alice Voiceover: The new neighbor... Susan: Oh, my god. Katherine.

Mary Alice Voiceover: Turned out to be an old friend of Susan's...and that pine tree in the back yard...

Bree: It's my pride and joy.

Mary Alice Voiceover:…who had a problem making new friends. Katherine: Oh, it absolutely kills me to have to ask you to cut it down. Mary Alice Voiceover: Her daughter couldn't recall the past. Susan: I'm Julie's mom. Dylan: Who's Julie again?

Katherine: Your best friend when you were little.

Mary Alice Voiceover: But her husband had news for Susan. Adam: You're pregnant.

Mary Alice Voiceover: Lynette revealed her condition. Lynette: I have cancer.

Mary Alice Voiceover: Gaby and Carlos began a secret affair. Carlos: Can you get away tonight? Gabrielle: Are you serious?

Mary Alice Voiceover: And Edie uncovered a secret of another sort.

Edie: Why didn't you ever tell me about your offshore bank account--the one with $10 million in it?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Wisteria Lane – daytime]

Mary Alice Voiceover: The great crime wave hit Wisteria Lane on a Tuesday afternoon. That's when residents found their barbecues upended… [Bree’s backyard]

(Bree finds her barbeque tipped over.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:…their clean laundry trampled... [Katherine’s backyard]

(Katherine picks up a shirt from the ground that has a mud footprint on it.) Mary Alice Voiceover:…and their skateboards missing. [Lynette’s front yard]

(Parker looks around but can’t find his skateboard.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Naturally, everyone began to ask who could be responsible for such carnage.

(Bree and Katherine in the front yard talking. In the background is Gabrielle’s home.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: The answer lay in the home of a neighbor who,20 minutes earlier, had been engaging in...

[Gabrielle’s bedroom]

Gabrielle and Carlos are in bed making out.

Mary Alice Voiceover:…an altogether different type of crime.

Carlos: Oh, I gotta get back. I told Edie I was just going for a jog. Do I look sweaty enough for a 5-mile run?

Gabrielle: Yeah. Unfortunately, it's my sweat. When are you gonna dump her?

Carlos: It's complicated, okay? Besides, I don't see you in any big hurry to dump Victor.

Gabrielle: Generally speaking, women don't leave their husbands for guys who have girlfriends. Just boot the bi*ch. What are you afraid of? Carlos: Hey, I am not afraid of...

(Carlos looks out the front window and falls to the floor behind the dining room table.) Carlos: Oh, my god!

Gabrielle: What the hell's the matter with you? Carlos: (pointing outside) Edie!

(Gabrielle looks out to the front porch and sees Edie coming up the steps.Edie knocks, Gabrielle grabs her clothes.)

Edie: Gaby, you in there? Gabrielle: One second!

(Gabrielle opens the front door.)

Gabrielle: Edie! What brings you here?

Edie: I'm looking for Carlos. He went for a run, but it was hours ago. Gabrielle: Sorry. Haven't seen him.

Edie: (entering Gabrielle’s house) Really? Because Ida Greenberg said that she thought she saw him on your porch.

Gabrielle: Uh, that's impossible, because he's there! There he is! Edie: What?

Gabrielle: Carlos! He's at your house. Oh, he just let himself in. There you go. He's home. Edie: Okay. Well, thanks.

(Edie leaves. Gabrielle closes the door as Carlos comes out of hiding.) Carlos: You told her I was at home. Gabrielle: So?

Carlos: So I'm not at home. I'm here. What the hell am I supposed to do? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Gabrielle’s front yard]

(Gabrielle comes running out of the house as Edie is driving out of Gaby’s driveway.) Gabrielle: Edie! Edie, wait! Wait, wait, wait! Don't go! Don't go! Edie: (stopping in the street) Why?

Gabrielle: Uh, you, uh, have a birthday coming up, and, uh, I don't know what to get ya.

(As Gabrielle leans on Edie’s car window Carlos runs across the street behind Edie’s car. Carlos runs through the neighbor’s gate into Bree’s yard knocking over the barbeque.) Gabrielle: Or maybe a coffeepot or scented hangers or…a nice clock radio. Edie: Gaby, I don't have time for this. Why don't you just surprise me? Gabrielle: Uh, wait, but don't go! I-I need a little more guidance!

(Edie drives off. Carlos runs across Bree’s yard into Katherine’s yard and throw her laundry hanging on the line. Edie continues driving home. Carlos sees Edie driving down the street when a

basketball bounces in front of her car causing her to brake. He stops Parker’s skateboard. The Scavo twins run into the street and chase the ball.)

Edie: Damn it, boys! You should not be screwing around in the streets! Somebody's gonna get hurt!

(As Edie begins driving home, Carlos, on the skateboard, is hanging off the back of her car. As she pulls in front of home, Carlos rolls off the skateboard and runs to the house. He grabs at the locked door. Edie walks into the front door.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Edie’s house]

(Carlos is in the living room staring at the side door in which the window is broken.) Edie: Carlos!

Carlos: Can you believe this? Someone broke into our house. Edie: Oh, my god.

Mary Alice Voiceover: And so ended the great crime wave on Wisteria Lane. No one ever found out who was responsible...

(Carlos puts his arm around Edie. Edie pulls away.) Edie: Ew. Honey, you're all sweaty. Go clean up. Mary Alice Voiceover: Because it was an inside job.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Opening Credits

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Wisteria Lane – daytime]

(A young man smiling, walking his dog passes a smiling Ida Greenburg.) Mary Alice Voiceover: You will never see despair here...or rage. (A mailman handing a resident her mail, smiling.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: You will never see the tiniest bit of regret. [Bree’s front door]

(Orson exits with his briefcase. He goes to his car as Edie passes by power-walking.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: You see, the people who live here have learned there is - one sure way of hiding their secrets... [Katherine’s front yard]

(Katherine waves at Gabrielle, Bree and Susan who are having coffee in Susan’s front yard. They wave back.) Edie: Hey.

Mary Alice Voiceover:…from their neighbors. That's why, in the suburbs, there is nothing more deceptive than a smile.

Bree: So what did Julie say, exactly?

Susan: She said Dylan's not the same girl.

Gabrielle: Not the same girl like she's changed, or not the same girl because she's been replaced by a robot?

Susan: I know it sounds weird, but Julie says Dylan does not remember anything about living here.

Bree: Well, maybe she blocked it out. Did something bad happen to her when she was young? Susan: I'm not sure. But there was something odd about the way they left.

(Katherine walks up.)

Katherine: So...if it isn't the early morning gossip brigade. Who are we dishing today? Gabrielle: Uh, Susan.

Katherine: She's standing right there.

Gabrielle: Oh, my god. Have you been there this whole time? Katherine: Anyway, I wanted to talk to you girls about Lynette. Bree: What about her?

Katherine: Well, since she's been so tired from chemo, I thought it'd be nice if we did something for her like bring her lunch? Susan: Uh, that sounds great.

Bree: Yeah, let's do it. Um, Gaby, why don't you bring your vegetable lasagna? Susan, you do beverages, and, uh, Katherine, why don't you bring a simple green salad? Katherine: I'd rather bring dessert.

Bree: Oh, no need, dear. I always bring dessert. Oh, I'm thinking my lemon meringue pie. Susan: Oh, yum.

Katherine: Yeah, here's the thing. The movers lost my salad bowl. My pie plates, on the other hand-

Bree: Will not be needed. As I said, I always bring dessert.

Susan: I know. I will lend you my salad bowl. You really don't wanna miss Bree's pie. It's perfect. Katherine: Who am I to argue with perfection? Sorry. It's just, something has been driving me crazy.

(Katherine pulls mini scissors out of her pocket. Leans over and snips a hanging thread off Bree’s skirt.)

Katherine: Now you're perfect.

(Katherine turns and walks away as the housewives look shocked.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fairview Hospital – Cancer Ward]

(Lynette is receiving chemotherapy while she and Tom are playing cards. Tom keeps staring at the needles going into Lynette’s arm.) Tom: D-does it hurt?

Lynette: It's a little uncomfortable, but I'm fine. Take a card.

(Tom picks a card and puts it down immediately. Lynette picks it up.) Lynette: Hey, I told you I'm collecting queens. Pay attention.

Tom: You remember we played this when you were in labor with Parker? 42 hours without meds. I'll never forget what a trouper you were. (starts tearing up.)

Lynette: Well, let's not compose my eulogy just yet. I'm still troupin'. Take a card. Tom: Right.

(Tom picks a card.)

Tom: It's funny. We played cards on our honeymoon the day that it rained. Do you remember that? We…we lit a fire

Lynette: You're doing it again. Tom: Sorry.

(Tom puts down a card.)

Lynette: Hey, I told you I'm collecting queens.

Tom: Shoot. That's right.

Lynette: Oh, my god. Are you letting me win? Tom: I just wanna make you feel good. Lynette: By taking all the fun of the kill?

Tom: Honey, I'm sorry. It's just...I love you so much. (tearing up again) Lynette: Out. Tom: What?

Lynette: You are supposed to be distracting me, not depressing the hell out of me. Tom: You're kicking me out of chemo?

Lynette: (waving him away) I'll see you at home. Tom: (getting up) Honey, I'm your ride. Lynette: Just go. I'll cab it.

Tom: There's that trouper that I admire so much. (tearing up again) Lynette: Out!

(Tom leaves as Lynette shakes her head.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Outside Edie’s house]

(Carlos arrives home and sees a brand new convertible in front of their house. Edie comes running out of the house.) Edie: Carlos! Hi!

Carlos: Hey, there's my birthday girl. Edie: Oh. Mmm!

Carlos: It's a nice car. We got company? Edie: No.

Carlos: Then whose is it?

Edie: It's...your birthday present to me. Surprise! Carlos: A car. I was gonna get you earrings.

Edie: So? Get 'em. And I will drive around with the top down so everyone can see them. Carlos: Edie, I can't afford this.

Edie: Of course you can. Just move some of your offshore money onshore.

Carlos: I told you, that account was a secret, which it's not gonna before long if I start buying $80,000 cars.

Now I'm sensing that this little nest egg of yours is a teensy bit illegal. Where'd it come from? Carlos: You don't need to know that, and the I.R.S. doesn't, either. You want me to go to jail?

Edie: Goodness, Carlos. I-I had no idea that your situation was so...precarious. Well...I guess I'll just have to take this back to the dealership.

Carlos: Thank you for understanding, babe. Look, if...if you don't want the earrings, just pick something else out instead. Just not too extravagant.

Edie: Don't worry. I have a thought, and it's right in your price range. (Edie speeds away.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Katherine’s house]

(Susan walks up the steps with a salad bowl and rings the bell.) [Flashback]

(Katherine house long time ago. Katherine opens the door. A young Susan and young Mary Alice are at the front door. Katherine: Oh! Hi.

Susan: Hey, Katherine. What's going on?

Mary Alice: Why is there a moving van in your driveway?

Katherine: Oh, I meant to call you. I, uh...it's just been so nuts. I got a new job...in Chicago. Mary Alice: You're just leaving, like that?

Katherine: I know! It's crazy, huh? I really wish I had time to talk, but I gotta finish packing. Susan: Oh, whoa. No, hang on. Let me just run and get Julie so she can say good-bye to Dylan. Katherine: Oh, we're really in a rush. I don't think we're gonna have time.... (A crashing noise comes from upstairs.)

Katherine: That's OK, guys. Keep packing! I'll clean it up! Susan: Katherine? Are you okay? You seem a little jumpy.

Katherine: I just had a-a long night, and I-I have a lot to do. I'm really gonna miss you. (She closes the door on them.) [Present]

(Katherine opens the door.)

Susan: Katherine, hi. Oh, uh, I brought you that salad bowl. Katherine: Oh, thank you. You're so thoughtful.

Susan: No problem. Hey, you know, I was meaning to ask you, how did that job in Chicago work out?

Katherine: Job?

Susan: You know, the one that you left so suddenly for.

Katherine: Oh, right. Yes, of course. Uh, good. Uh, it worked out well...very challenging. I've got something in the stove. I've gotta go.

(Katherine closes the door on a bewildered Susan.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Susan’s house - Kitchen]

(Mike and Susan are having breakfast. Susan has a full plate of pancakes and fruits which she is pouring syrup on.) Mike: Susan.

Susan: What? I'm eating for two.

Mike: Well, do both of you wanna be fat?

Susan: Okay, when I'm in labor and I am pushing and screaming to bring your child into the world, do you really want me to remember that you denied me syrup? Mike: Carry on. (Julie enters.)

Julie: Mom, I need to talk to you about tonight. (looking at Susan’s full plate) Oh, my god. (Mike shakes his head)

Susan: Is it about Matt's party?

Julie: Yeah. It turns out it doesn't start until 10:00, so can I stay out till 1:00?

Susan: Well, uh, well, the Johnson’s live right down the road. Yeah, I guess that's fine. Julie: Thanks.

Mike: Whoa, whoa. Is this the Johnson’s over on Crestview?

Julie: Yeah.

Mike: Yeah, I-I don't think you should go to that. Julie: Why not?

Mike: Well, I've done a couple jobs at that house, and they have some really wild parties. I don't even wanna tell you what I've snaked out of that toilet. Julie: Those’re his brother's parties. Matt's not like that.

Mike: All 17-year-old guys are like that. The only reason my buddies and I even had parties was to get girls wasted.

Julie: Well, I don't drink.

Mike: Neither did Missy Taylor, and fast-forward to her tying her bra on my car antenna. Julie: I really appreciate your concern, but my mom already told me I could go. Mike: Well, that's true. Just giving my opinion. It's up to your mom. (Mike and Julie stare at Susan.)

Susan: Uh, we...I mean, you both make a-a good case. Um...but I think I'm gonna have to agree with, uh...and you know I love you both… Julie: Decide.

Susan: Mike. I'm going with Mike. Julie: What?

Susan: Well, it sounds like this party could be on the wild side, and it is starting very late. Julie: This is so unfair.

Susan: I'm sorry, honey. You wanted a decision. This is my decision. Julie: Ahh.

(Julie disgusted, walks away. Susan pours more syrup.) Mike: More syrup? Susan: Missy Taylor? Mike: Carry on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Mrs McCluskey’s front yard]

(Karen is getting her mail just as Dylan walks by.)

Mrs McCluskey: Look at your little Dylan, all grown up. Karen McCluskey.I babysat you way back when…you were a biter.

Dylan: Well, I hope I didn't hurt you.

Mrs McCluskey: Nah, you were a cutie...but loud. I remember the racket you used to make on your tricycle. I gave your dad hell for putting that horn on it. Dylan: My dad?

Mrs McCluskey: Mm-hmm.

Dylan: How could you know my dad? He left when I was a baby.

Mrs McCluskey: Nah, he used to come around once in a while. Anyway, nice to have you back. (Karen walks away.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Lynette’s house - Kitchen]

(Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Katherine are working as Lynette sits at the kitchen table.) Lynette: Please let me help. I feel so guilty just sitting here. Bree: Do not move. We want to pamper you, so please let us.

Lynette: Thank you.

Susan: Hey, so how's the chemotherapy going?

Gabrielle: Oh, no, no. She doesn't want to talk about that. Lynette: I don't mind.

Gabrielle: Oh, come on. Let's dig into the pie. Looks amazing. (Gabrielle takes a mouthful.) Gabrielle: Wow.

Susan: Oh, my god. Bree, that is, like, the best pie you've ever made. Bree: Well, thank you. I don't think I did anything differently. (Bree takes a bite.)

Bree: This is not my pie.

Katherine: (laughs) Okay, you caught me. It's mine. Bree: What happened to the pie that I brought?

Katherine: Oh, I was a little sneaky, and I put it in the fridge. I just wanted you to try mine. Bree: Well, did we or did we not agree that I would bring the dessert?

Katherine: I know, but everyone says you're such an amazing baker, and I was hoping you would give me some tips to improve my recipe.

Bree: Well, clearly no tips are needed. As my friends said, \"best pie ever made.\"

Katherine: Well, then perhaps you shouldn't have said anything. I would have been happy for everyone to think it was yours.

Susan: So back to chemo...how's that been?

Lynette: Yeah, so far...not that bad. Though I did have to kick Tom out yesterday. Susan: Why?

Lynette: He was getting so emotional. It felt like the last 20 minutes of \"Brian's song\". So...I guess I'm in the market for a new chemo buddy.

Bree: Well, I would be more than happy to go with you. Susan: Count me in.

Katherine: I'll sit with you. I volunteer at the hospital, so I'll be there anyway. Lynette: Oh! My god, you guys. I'm so touched you're all willing to do this.

Susan: What are friends for?

(Lynette stares at Gabrielle who is practically buried in her coffee cup.) Lynette: Gaby?

Gabrielle: Oh, no cream for me, thanks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bree’s house - Kitchen]

(There are numerous pies on the counter with one pie missing.)

Orson: She upstaged your lemon meringue pie? You've gotta be kidding.

Bree: (busy mixing a bowl on the stove) I'm not. That despicable woman was just supposed to bring a simple green salad. She not only brought a pie...she hid mine and served hers. Orson: Well, that's beyond despicable. That's culinary terrorism. Bree: Oh, it gets worse. Her pie was better than mine. Orson: Impossible.

Bree: It's true. Everyone thought so. Even me. Oh, and that simple green salad...mache and baby

arugula with duck confit and candied walnuts! Orson: My god, she plays to win.

Bree: I have been here for hours trying to replicate her recipe, and nothing has even come close! Orson: Don't be so hard on yourself. (eating pie) This one's fantastic. Bree: That's hers! Orson: Sorry.

Bree: Orson, what am I gonna do?

Orson: You might have to bite the bullet and ask her for her recipe. Bree: What? Surrender? Debase myself?

Orson: Bree, it's your signature pie. You make it for parties, church suppers, bake sales. If she's always right there behind you with her superior version, staking out her claim as Fairview's Number One homemaker...

Bree: She will have stolen my entire identity. Orson: Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Bree: No, it's true. The only thing about me that's special is what I can do in the kitchen. You're right. I have got to get that recipe...by any means necessary.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Gabrielle’s front yard]

(Gabrielle is throwing out her trash as Lynette walks up.) Lynette: Hey, Gaby.

Gabrielle: Hey, what's up?

Lynette: Well...I felt a little weird about something that happened at lunch, and I thought we should talk about it.

Gabrielle: I know. Do you believe that pie business? I thought Bree's head was gonna explode. Lynette: Oh, not that. Okay, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. When everyone was offering to come with me to chemo....even Katherine, who I don't even know, you sort of clammed up. What was that about?

Gabrielle: Well, it just seemed like people had it pretty well covered.

Lynette: Yeah, but between us, you're the one I really want there. Out of everyone, you're the most fun, and I need that now.

Gabrielle: Oh, that's sweet. But to be honest, I don't like hospitals.

Lynette: Nobody likes hospitals. Unfortunately, that's the place you have to go when you're sick, or your friends are. You are my friend, right? Gabrielle: What, is this a test of our friendship? Lynette: Yeah...kinda. Can I pencil you in? Gabrielle: I can't wait.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Susan’s house]

(Julie is studying as Susan sneaks in.) Susan: Psst! (whispering)Come here. (Julie doesn’t follow.)

Susan:Okay, I'll come there. Are you still mad at me about the party? Julie: Oh, you picked up on that, did you?

Susan: Okay, look, I've been thinking about things, and...just forget what I said earlier.

Julie: You mean I can go?

Susan: Shh! Jeez! Ooh, Mike's in the other room. Julie: You're not gonna tell him? Susan: No, and neither are you.

Julie: Why are you walking on eggshells? You are my mother. You have every right to override him.

Susan: I know. I just... think it's sweet that he worries about you, and I want him to feel like he's part of the decision making process.

Julie: Well, clearly he's not if you're going behind his back. Susan: Do you wanna go or not?

Julie: Yes! Yes, I really wanna go to the party. (Mike walks in.)

Mike: Party? You guys still talking about that?

Susan: Can you believe it? Ugh! Let it go. You know, Mike and I decided...no party, and that's final.

(Mike and Susan walk out the door. Susan turns and gives a “thumbs up” to Julie and mouths “have fun.”)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Katherine’s front porch] (Bree knocks on the door.) Katherine: Bree.

Bree: I hope this isn't a bad time. I just wanted to bring you a housewarming gift. It's the recipe for my special mincemeat pie. It wouldn't be thanksgiving at my house without it. Katherine: Well...aren't you thoughtful? [Kitchen]

(Katherine opens her recipe box.)

Katherine: Let me just file this in my recipe box.

Bree: Well, as long as we're swapping pie recipes, I would love the one for your fabulous lemon meringue.

Katherine: Really? I'm so flattered you'd ask. But I don't share that. (Katherine slams the recipe lid down and put the box in her cupboard.) Bree: Excuse me?

Katherine: You have to understand...I experimented for years before I came up with my secret ingredient.

Bree: Which is what? Vanilla? Nutmeg? Cardamom?

Katherine: If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. It would just bean ingredient.

Bree: Well, that, um, hardly seems neighborly. After all, I just gave you the recipe for my mincemeat pie.

Katherine: Yes, and it's a very good one. I have the book it came from.

Bree: That recipe is not from a book. That recipe was handed down to me from my mother.

Katherine: Well, unless your mother was Betty Crocker,she got it from a book. Oh, dear. Now I've upset you.

Bree: No. No, I am not upset. I'm just confused as to why you seem so determined to get off on the wrong foot. First you bring a pie to Lynette's, when I clearly assigned you the salad...

Katherine: Now, see, that's where I'm confused. Just what, please, gives you the right to decide who brings what to a luncheon that I suggested?

Bree: Well, it's tradition. I always organize our little get-togethers, and I always bring dessert. Katherine: Well, then how lovely that I'm back and can shoulder that burden for you. Bree: Just...give me the recipe!

Katherine: Sorry. I can't. I do hope this doesn't keep us from being friends, because I like you, Bree.

(Katherine opens her front door. Bree walks out the door.)

Katherine: And I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you can come up with an even better lemon meringue pie than mine. The trick is finding that perfect blend of sweet and sour. Bree: Well, you've certainly mastered that, dear. (Katherine closes the door on Bree.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Susan’s house - bedroom]

(Mike is lying in bed eating strawberries.)

Mike: So when do I get to see my big surprise? (Susan comes out in very sexy underwear.) Susan: Wait for it. Wait for it. Ta-da.

Mike: Whoa. All that syrup went straight to your boobs. Susan: So it's not my imagination. They're bigger, right? Mike: Uh, yeah. Especially the right one. Susan: Mike!

Mike: Just kidding. Pick those up and bring 'em over here.

Susan: Well, I'd better warn you. I may have to work the shoulders. Ba-boom, ba-boom, mmm. (Susan walks over sexily.They begin kissing.)

Mike: Hey. That thing with Julie and the party this morning... Susan: Mm-hmm?

Mike: Thanks for backing me up. It meant a lot, and I know it wasn't easy for you. Susan: Uh, yeah, well, you know, sometimes you gotta hang tough. Mike: Mm, well, you did the right thing. I drove by that house tonight. Susan: Mm-hmm?

Mike: That party was out of control. Susan: What?

Mike: Yeah, there were kids staggering around drunk...puking in the gutter, and then I saw some girls running around topless. I'm sure the cops will be there any minute. Susan: We need whipped cream. Mike: What?

Susan: Well, I don't think that you can have sexy date night without whipped cream. Mike: Can't and won't. Well, I...I can go get some.

Susan: No, no, you've, uh, worked all day. You stay here. I'll go to the store. (Susan grabs some clothes from the closet.) Mike: Could you get more syrup?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Edie’s house]

(Carlos puts a birthday cake with one lit candle on it on the table.) Carlos: Make a wish.

(Edie blows out the candle and Carlos claps.)

Carlos: So I'm dying to see what I got you. How thoughtful was I? Edie: Very.

(She hands Carlos and envelope. Carlos opens a card that says “Yes.”) Edie: Open it. Carlos: \"Yes\"!

Edie: Not yet. I haven't asked the question. (Edie gets down on one knee.)

Edie: Will you marry me, Carlos Solis? And you say... Carlos: You're proposing?

Edie: You said you didn't want to spend too much. So what's more affordable than a promise? Carlos: Look, Edie...

Edie: I'm doing this for you. If the I.R.S. gets wind of your...rainy day fund, they could make me testify against you. But if I were your wife... Carlos: How are they going to find out?

Edie: Oh, honey, people talk...angry people, disappointed people. Come on. Say your line. It's my birthday.

Carlos: Fine. We're engaged.

Edie: Oh! Carlos! I think I'm gonna cry. Carlos: Yeah, me, too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Johnson’s house - Party]

Dylan: I mean, how weird is that? My mom always told me that my dad took off right after I was born.

Julie: So did she explain what McCluskey said?

Dylan: I didn’t tell her. She kinda freaks out anytime I bring him up.

Julie: Dylan, you have a right to know about your dad. You've got to confront her. Dylan: Yeah, right. I could never do that. She isn't cool like your mom. (Matt opens the door to find Susan scantily dressed.) Matt: Hi. It's my birthday.

Susan: Oh, that must mean you're Matt. I'm Susan Mayer, and I'm...

(Matt grabs Susan’s hand and pulls her in. He drags her to the back room where a bunch of young boys are.)

Susan: …all righty.

Matt: Boomer, you magnificent bastard! You actually did it! Boomer: It wasn't me, but happy birthday, man.

Matt: Well, it was somebody. Who cares? Gather 'round, men. (The guys set up the chairs facing Susan.) Matt: So you like this music?

Susan: Yeah, it's fine. Would somebody just tell me where I can find…

Boomer: Hey, enough talking. Just take it off. We're feeling generous tonight.

(Boomer tires to puts a dollar in Susan’s bra.) Susan: Oh, my god! I'm not a stripper. Matt: You're not?

Boomer: Is this gonna happen or what? Matt: Boomer, she's not a stripper.

Boomer: Well, what's with the implants? Susan: I'm pregnant. Teenager: That's hot.

(Matt is leading Susan out of the room.)

Matt: Sorry. Should've known you were Julie's mom. You're way too gorgeous to be a stripper. Susan: If that's your lame attempt to keep me from calling your parents...it worked. Well played. Excuse me.

(Susan sees Julie across the room. She starts going across the room and trips.) Julie: Mom, what are you doing here?

Susan: I am taking you home. This party is out of control. Julie: No, it's not.

Susan: Well, of course you don't think it is, because you’re knocking back a big cup of…(Susan drinks from Julie’s cup) orange soda. Julie: I don't believe this.

Susan: Well, believe it. We're going. You, too, Dylan. Come on. Julie: And what are you wearing? It's embarrassing. Susan: Yeah, well, Boomer likes it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Susan’s driveway - nightime]

(Susan, Julie and Dylan arrive home.)

Julie: Call me tomorrow. We'll go to a movie my mom can drag us out of. Susan: Look, I get that you're upset.

Julie: No, I'm confused. First, I can go to the party, then I can't because Mike says no. Then I can, but \"don't tell Mike and behave yourself.\" So I behave myself, and you punish me. Susan: Okay, I admit that there's a certain lack of consistency there. Julie: It's like…ever since you got married, I can't win.

Susan: Do you think this is easy for me? Trying to keep peace between a new husband and a teenage daughter? You're always putting me in the middle. Julie: Ugh. I don't do that.

Susan: Please. Every time you and Mike disagree on something, you give me the look...that pitiful face that says if I don't back you up, I love the other one more.

Julie: I don't expect you to side with me every time. Just make a decision and stick to it. And no more lying.

Susan: Well, you're right. I'm an adult, and I need to be honest about these things, and I will be...starting tomorrow.

(They walk in the front door. Mike is sitting on the steps reading a paper.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Susan’s house]

Susan: Hey. Look who I picked up coming out of the movies-- a P.G. Movie. Is this the perfect

teenager or what?

Mike: Oh, the movies, huh? That's funny. 'Cause one of Julie's friends just called to make sure she got home from the party. She was worried when she saw you leaving with a stripper. Julie: The jig is up, mom.

Susan: (whispering) No, no, we can salvage this. Just work with me.

Julie: I did go to the party. Mom went behind your back and told me I could. But I-I didn't drink or do anything I shouldn't have.

Mike: Glad to hear it, and, uh, thanks for your honesty. (They both stare at Susan.)

Susan: You know, this perfect teenager thing is really starting to chap my ass. Julie: I'm going to bed.

Susan: Please tell me this isn't gonna be one of those things where you leave me and I go screaming down the street.

Mike: Why'd you go behind my back?

Susan: I'm sorry. You gotta understand, for so long, it's just been Julie and me, and I've made all the decisions alone. You felt so strongly.

Mike: It was just an opinion, really. She's your daughter. I completely respect your right to raise her however you want. Susan: Thanks.

Mike: Now that being said, this baby is ours. So we'll get to make all those parenting decisions together, right?

Susan: Right. So can we go back to date night? Mike: Only if you work the shoulders. Susan: Oh. Mike: Mmm.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fairview Hospital -Chemotherapy Room] (Lynette is receiving her chemo.Gaby walks in.)

Lynette: Gaby, where have you been? You went to the bathroom, like, half an hour ago. Gabrielle: Oh, sorry. I stopped off to get you some magazines.

Lynette: \"Top ten new hairstyles\". Yeah, well, I'm kinda bald right now, but thanks. Gabrielle: Why don't I go check if there are some other ones?

Lynette: No, no, I don't need magazines. I need company. Sit down. You've been bouncing around since you got here. So...how do you like being the first lady of Fairview? Gabrielle: It's good. Are you cold? They keep it cold in here.

Lynette: I'm fine. So tell me something. When you go to a ribbon cutting, do you get to keep those gigantic novelty scissors?

Gabrielle: You must be freezing. You know, I have the cutest shawl in the car, so I'm just gonna run out and get it for you.

Lynette: Boy, you really don't wanna be here, do ya? What are you talking about? I'm trying to help.

Lynette: Yeah, in any way that gets you out of this room. Gabrielle: I'm sorry. It's just hospitals are hard for me.

Lynette: Yeah, you told me, but, jeez, Gaby,don't you care enough to make an effort?

Gabrielle: You think I don't care?

Lynette: I get it. You're uncomfortable. Just go. I'm fine. I'm fine. (Gabrielle starts to leave then stops.)

Gabrielle: Did I ever tell you about my father? He had cancer, too. Started in the liver, went into his bones, and ten months later, he was dead. Lynette: Thanks for that encouraging story.

Gabrielle: I'm not finished. Those last weeks, every day we thought we were gonna lose him. And every day, before I would go into his room, my mom would say, \"no tears\". Daddy wants to see you smiling. If you're gonna cry, you can't go in\". So...on the last night...I sat there and I watched him die. His eyes were closed, but I thought he could still see me. So I kept smiling...all night. I was 5.

Lynette: Oh, my god.

Gabrielle: But on the plus side, I made a pretty good career out of knowing how to smile when I didn't really feel like it. But I can't pretend with you. Not when I'm scared I'm gonna lose you. Lynette: You're not gonna lose me.

Gabrielle: (crying) You promise? 'Cause if I did...then...god! I'm such a mess. Lynette: It's okay. Come here. Let it go. (Lynette comforts Gabrielle.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Katherine’s house]

(Dylan finds her baby book. She takes it up to her room. She looks through and see pictures of her and Julie when they were young. She finds a picture of when she was a baby. Her mother is holding her and on her other side is a figure that has been cut out.) Katherine: Honey?

(Dylan hides the book. Katherine comes in.) Katherine: I'm going to get Adam. Be right back. Mom? Can I talk to you about something?

Katherine: Sure. If you don't mind talking in the car.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bree’s house - Kitchen]

(Bree is working in her kitchen.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Bree Hodge persisted in her effort to unlock the secret of Katherine Mayfair's lemon meringue. But after several failed attempts, it occurred to Bree that while she might not have the key to Katherine's recipe...

(Bree opens her cupboard. Many labeled keys are hanging.)

Mary Alice Voiceover:…she did have the key...to Katherine's house. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bree’s front yard]

(Bree is watering and waves to Katherine and Dylan as they drive away. Bree turns off the hose and runs to Katherine’s house with the key.) [Katherine’s house - Kitchen]

(Bree sneaks inside. She opens the cabinet with the recipe box and sees it is locked.) [Susan’s front door]

(Bree knocks on the door.)

Mike: Oh, hey, what's up?

Bree: I was doing a little baking, and I was wondering if I could borrow something. Mike: Sure. What do you need...flour, sugar?

(Bree is walking away with steel cutters. She enters Katherine’s house and pulls the recipe box out of the cupboard.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Katherine’s driveway]

(Katherine, Dylan and Adam come home)

Katherine: You can't believe what Karen McCluskey tells you. She's an old woman...practically senile.

Dylan: She didn't sound senile to me.

Adam: Dylan, maybe this is not the time, okay?

Dylan: You said my father didn't care about me, but she says he came here. He wanted to see me. Why would you not tell me that?

(They enter the house. Bree is just about to cut the lock.) Dylan: He's my father. I deserve to know.

Katherine: The only thing you need to know about that man is he was a monster. Dylan: I can decide that for myself. Where is he? Katherine: I don't know. Dylan: You're lying. Adam: No, she's not.

Dylan: Yes, she is. She has been lying to me my whole life. I'm starting to think maybe you're the monster.

(Katherine slaps Dylan. Bree is listening to everything. Dylan runs upstairs.) Katherine: She can't talk to me that way, not after everything I've done for her. Adam: Well, maybe that's the problem. She doesn't know what you've done for her. Katherine: Nobody does, and it's gonna stay that way.

Adam: Are you sure? She's just gonna keep asking questions. Katherine: Then we'd better start coming up with better lies. (Bree sneaks out of Katherine’s house and goes home.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bree’s house]

Orson: Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you'd gone to. Bree: I just let myself into Katherine's house to get that recipe.

Orson: Well, that seems a bit extreme. Well, at least you know her secret now. Bree: Yes, and it has nothing to do with pie.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bar]

Carlos: Here's the thing. I got a real chance at getting back together with my ex, but this woman is standing in my way. And she knows about the money, and she's made it clear that if I leave, she's gonna blow the whistle. You gotta understand...I really did care for Edie, but I can't let her ruin my life.

(Carlos pushes an envelope full of money across the table.) Carlos: That's where you come in.

(A hand pulls the envelope. A man sees a lot of money in the envelope and looks at Carlos.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fairview Hospital - Chemotherapy Room]

(Lynette, Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Katherine are sitting around. The room is filled with balloons.)

Katherine: You guys, we better behave, or the nurses are gonna kick us out. Bree: Hey, it's our chemo party, and we'll laugh if we want to.

Lynette: Gaby, this was a wonderful idea. I cannot tell you how much it means to me.

Gabrielle: Well, don't get sappy on me. I won't stand for it. All right. Susan, is the camera ready? Susan: Yeah. Got it.

(They all get ready to have their picture taken.)

Susan: Okay, once the light starts blinking, we've got three seconds,. so, everybody, say, \"cheese\" and hold it. One, two, three. All: Cheese!

Mary Alice Voiceover: There is nothing more deceptive than a smile, and no one knows this better than the people who hide behind them. (Camera on Katherine.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Some flash their teeth as a polite warning to their enemies. (Camera on Gabrielle.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Some put on beaming faces to keep their tears from falling. (Camera on Lynette. Lynette makes a funny face.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Others wear silly grins to mask their fear. (The camera clicks.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Bar]

(Carlos smiles.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: But then there is that rare smile that is actually genuine. (Man across the table from Carlos looks at the money in the envelope.) Al Kaminsky: I'll take care of it. (Carlos smiles.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: It's the smile of a person who knows his troubles will soon be over.

~ The End ~